Why & How I'm Going "Friendsless" on Facebook
Dear Friends,
Have you ever landed in the Black Hole version of Facebook, where you arrive to do one thing (like: reply to a message, post to your Facebook business page, look for a piece of information)… but… you do many other things instead?
LOOK, A SQUIRREL!
And then, just like that, you have fallen into what my friend J* calls “the Black Hole that is Facebook”. (*Note: At the time of sharing this, I don’t know yet if “J” wants to be quoted, but I do want to honor that she is the one who said this to me. It really resonated!!)
And then in life, you seem to not “have enough time” to do important things on your to-do list and Life List?
It’s a less-than-stellar combo to spend any amount of time on Facebook, if you have important life stuff that’s not getting done! Because we have the time to accomplish all that we desire. The question is really about how we are using that time. Are we using that time to piddle away on Facebook? Or to do what is important? Side note: CEOs have the time to build their organizations through perseverance, focus, and delegation (often passion, too!); I’m aiming to step fully into the role of CEO both in life and in business.
Separately but very related: I don’t want to be one of Zucker’s Suckers. Seriously, the whole premise of the data-driven organizations like Facebook is that WE ARE THEIR ASSETS. On our end, our data is shared with the intention of connecting with friends, family, and clients or others. And then Facebook mines that data to create a file about us, which has been shown to be leaked on previous occasions and is being used for their benefit. But basically our info — our personal details — are being bought, rented, and sold. And we know that; it’s no secret.
Ya’ll, that’s some weird $***.
Yet, Facebook is a tool that is currently useful because so many friends and family are on it. So I see it as a tool that a friend once said is like “using the Devil’s tools to do the work of angels”. It can be helpful to build business that positively affects both people and planet! I’ve helped other businesses to build million$ via Facebook, and I can tell you 100% that it has helped the growth of our co-op. It can definitely be useful!
And so what in the kale do we do?! Just walk away, despite the value. MAYBE. (That could be my next step, personally.)
But what if there is another way to make use of Facebook that’s a compromise?
I’ve been learning all that I can about going Friends-less on Facebook, and this is why I’m aiming to finalize it within days (so, Facebook fam, it’s time for us to build a new bridge to each other, because this one is full of poachers and time suckers and other unsavory bits).
Giddy up, let’s dive into this, shall we?
SOME OF MY REASONS TO GO FRIENDS-LESS ON FACEBOOK
Stop feeding the data machine tolls. If I am limited, focused, and intentional about the ways I use Facebook, I’m using it instead of them using me.
Burn the bridge of distraction. I know about apps you can use with Chrome* that eliminate the news feed. But I’d rather not go that route. *Note: Chrome is a Google product. And if you know me well, you know that I don’t use Google when I can avoid it. Ecosia is my go-to, and some others prefer DuckDuckGo for searching. But Google? NAH. My preferred browser is Firefox for the sake of digital privacy amongst other reasons.
Can we just be honest about whether we’re seeking a friend or a client, people of Facebook?! I personally don’t resonate with using my Facebook Friends List as a way to dig into hearts and squeeze business out, on the sly. I’d rather friends who want to connect on business, to get in touch or otherwise opt in to that. Some business coaches out there suggest friending potential clients as a way to get closer and then make a move. If that’s for you, great. But, um, since I’m about to take the “friendsless on Facebook”, I’m opting out of that too, which is great because personally I find that if feels slimy AF.
Business Support & Other Local Groups. I’m part of more than one business group I’ve joined to receive support on programs I have paid to be part of. Eventually, I may find that I’d rather use the other avenues of support, but for now, that feels aligned IFF I’m using Facebook in that way.
It’s the best alternative I’ve found to just up and leaving. Because I still want to be part of the groups mentioned above, as well as to manage the business pages I manage. For now, anyways!
If you really want to contact me, I’m not hard to find. While I don’t check email every minute of every day, I do have my contact page right on a website (this one!) that is literally my name.
I’d like to use other means as primary ways to connect with friends and family. Despite all the C-related mainstream media messages, loved ones’ reactions, and new regulations, I whole heartedly and 100% believe that it is healthy and ideal to connect with humans in the flesh. Zoom, blogs, and email are great tools to connect both individually and in groups outside of Facebook. And really, those are just a few options of many.
HOW I’M TRANSITIONING TO THE FRIENDS-LESS WAY
Saving data where possible. Some friends wouldn’t be easy to find again. That is one of the challenges. I could still be found! So at least there is that. But for this reason, I’m in the process of creating a very simple spreadsheet with friends’ names and profile links. I suspect that it will mostly gather dust. But for the FOMO part of me that is concerned I’ll never find them again, I have that.
Adding team members to help manage Facebook pages, where appropriate
Sharing w/ Facebook friends via recent posts. This, or leaving Facebook, has been coming for months.
Downloading my files from Facebook, the easy way.
Making old posts ALL private. I will go back through and decide individually, on my time, which shares are appropriate to be publicly available.
Another name I like for this: Facebook LIGHT!
It really does feel lighter, for me personally. None of the options out there are perfect, so this is what I’ve found.
Related Resources:
Friendsless at Facebook, with Bonnie Gillespie. My friend Bonnie is not a Facebook friend of course, but she has been generous in answering questions about this, and this post shares some of her thoughts and processes on going Friendsless.
Another View from Matthew Kimberley. While I don’t personally resonate with the way he went about it (turning friends into fans), there are some good ideas and another perspective in here.
Leaving Social Media Entirely, with Alexandra Franzen. This could be my next step. :-)
Questions? Thoughts?
I genuinely would be thrilled to hear from you. You can comment here or drop me a note anytime…
